I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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