worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
