Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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