just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
