HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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