did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize