You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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