Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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