please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
