Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
