Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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