I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
