On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
