Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
