oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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