It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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