Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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