I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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