woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
