If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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