He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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