I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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