dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
