Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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