God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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