I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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