Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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