Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize