conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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