tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
