Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
