She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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