There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
