hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
