I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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