he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
