I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
