new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
