I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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