I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
