Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
