also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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