I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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