How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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