have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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