Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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