She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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