Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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