I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
