i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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