Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just threw up on my dentist
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
