Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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