Just mADE A PArabola og urine
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
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