Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
