i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
