Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The power of my boobs compel you
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
