you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
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congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
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I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
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