im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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