Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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