how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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