Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
