So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
