Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Damn victory sex feels great
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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