Don't EVER smell your tampon
you inspire me to be a worse person
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
