This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
