i wish starbucks made bloody marys
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
