haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
barbara walters just said penis...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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