saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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