Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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