Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
