White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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