Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
