I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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