if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
