I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
