I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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