He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
