My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
