I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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